Do you know how you really 'feel'?

Published: Sun, 11/03/19

Hi

Once again our boys taught me a lesson in behaviour and negotiation.

We really can learn so much from those little people.

I came home after being stuck in traffic to a house with some 'creative' Lego mess on the floor.

Our eldest wanted me to help him build something. I tried to explain that we were low on time tonight and with a busy weekend ahead he needed an early night.

Naturally we had a small tantrum about this (I include myself in this!) and once the dust had settled we had a chat.

I started out with the explanation that it is important to get to bed on time and how sometimes what we want to do we can't due to other responsibilities...then he derailed me...he said:

'but Daddy I wasn't angry because we couldn't do the Lego, I was worried that you didn't understand that I was feeling angry and didn't ask me why'

I was trying to be efficient with the solo bedtime rush (and we all know how much of challenge that is for a Dad!) that I forgot that your can NEVER be efficient with people.

People need patience

I needed to pause, notice how I felt, and take time to be thorough with my negotiating.

I saw a mess that I'd have to spend time tidying up, he saw a space base that he wanted his Daddy to build with him.
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What he felt as 'anger' was a worry that I felt a tidy house was more important that him.

Adults are really clumsy!

Taking that pause to be patient with OURSELVES when we get stressed or that curveball comes across our path to deconstruct what emotion it is we are REALLY feeling is one quick way to be in the moment.

It works in fitness too:

  • feeling guilty for missing a work out or eating a piece of cake could be channelled into that extra push when we get back in the gym
  • feeling sad and taking time to think through how a quick burst of exercise could cheer us up and stop us reaching for the wine
  • REALLY noticing how we feel after a really good work out or healthy meal and making a note of it somewhere, we can revisit this at a low point or for that little boost of motivation to keep choices healthy
  • REALLY noticing how that walk through a sunny forest or bike ride across the country lanes makes us feel and remembering this in as vivid detail as we are attempting to get that boost to get out and do it again

Just as we need to take time to get in touch with those around us, we need to focus our effort inwards on how we are feeling too.


I feel very excited about building that space station now...


J



James Chandler
Personal Trainer
07870 262741
www.eatwellandworkout.com
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